1) Release Shame

One of the biggest reasons we fail to get there is we get into our head- the clitoral system takes 20-40 min to engorge. That’s right we get hard too! That amount of time can feel like a burden- stress- and lots of other thoughts can drift in. Get comfortable with knowing it takes time. Remember your lover would not be there if that’s not something they enjoyed. 

Take off the pressure- you can always go from down there to kissing or fingering or eye gazing to play with multi- sensations. 

Releasing Shame of “it is taking too long” because this isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. 

2) Trusting your partner is essential

The vulva is an incredibly intimate part of your body, so you must feel safe with your lover, even in casual situations. Let go of your inhibitions and focusing on what feels good to you can bring you unforgettable pleasure. The best oral sex is the one for which you are completely present. To be in someone’s mouth, to let them pleasure you, and to be completely present at that moment is simultaneously empowering and vulnerable, and it simply cannot be done without communication and mutual trust. 

3) Try different positions

 Experiment with face-sitting. Get on top and ride the face of your partner. Doing so will allow you to take control and guide the direction of your partner’s lips and tongue at the angle you need for maximum stimulation.

4) Listen to your partner’s unique body

 We vulva owners are all different so having a partner that pays attention to your body’s energy is essential. Figuring out what works for your lover is so essential. If you think oral sex is a one-tongue-fits-all situation, then you’ll be disappointed (so will your lover). 

5) Stimulate other erogenous zones simultaneously

Going straight to licking or touching the clitoris can be overwhelming for many. Instead, try kissing and nibbling the thighs. Rub/play with the nipples as you go down on them. Try massaging the mons with your palm before oral sex. Run your tongue lightly along the labia. Right before you move in for the clitoris—it will light up nerve endings like fireworks!

6) Treat your legs to something sensual

If you have a favourite oil, lotion, or spray, you might be able to use its aromatic appeal to slip into a more erotic state of mind and body. Bonus points if your partner loves it, too. Use your lover’s favourite scented lotion that you wear, and slather some on your inner thighs. 

7) Give your lover directions

Tell your lover what you really, really want. Or, if words fail you now, you can gently touch your partner’s head and gently pull them in when it feels good.

8) The Clitoris

After building your lover to all that amazing oral sex action, the clitoris is a great place to focus attention. Some love gentle licks and slow sucking on the clit. The aftermath? A surprisingly powerful orgasm. 

9) After care

Cupping the vulva can feel safe- grounding and deeply connecting- simply hold your hands over your lovers over your entire vulva, feel the embrace and stay there. 

Alternatively – this could be the starting place for even more playtime- at this point you have juices flowing – this can be the perfect primer for penetration. 

This post was written in collaboration with ThePleasurePlus.

xx

Yachna

P.S.

Re-write your sexual stories, and there’s no shame in your sexual fantasies.

(Featured Image by art_octaherdon)