Last week, I talked about ghosting, so I figured I’d share my brother’s awesome dating tip this week. A few months ago, my brother said something that changed the way I approached dating-

I had a crush on this guy, let’s call him Nate (smart, shy, cute smile). After having a crush on him for a few months, I decided to take it to the next level and initiated a casual coffee date.

Fast forward, a few dates later, we were flirting over the text all the time. I would smile ear to ear, seeing Nate’s name pop up on my screen. However, not being too fond of texting, I decided one day to propose speaking over the phone. 

That evening, I began analyzing my game plan: how I should phrase the question, what would sound confident without coming on too strong. “Be casual and playful” was the mantra I had in mind while I mulled over the little details for a half an hour before finally sending the text.

So, I finally asked the question. Actually, I typed and deleted it several times until I built up the courage to finally say it. “Call me tonight- I wanna hear your voice.” 

What evolved over the next two hours was the constant overanalyzing of the text in question. “this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have texted him at all,” I muttered to myself, glancing at the blank screen, eagerly waiting for his reply.

Later that night, six hours and still no response later, I couldn’t stop wondering, “Was I asking for too much too soon?”, “did I sound needy”? yadi yada yada. All these questions were enough to make my mind explode. 

 Upon filling in my brother with the details of this situation, he casually replied,” “Here’s the thing with dating: they either like you or don’t.”

It seems so silly and obvious. However, it was totally liberating. When we start a new relationship (or a friendship), we tend to sweat and over analyze every little detail. For instance, the timing of your text message, the way you say hello, what to wear for the date, what to say over a text message or on a date. After all, it’s either fuck yes or a simple no.

Anytime I am dating someone, I find myself reflecting on every little detail when I should just be relaxing and enjoying it. The truth is, what I say in a text won’t change their feelings about me. 

Once I started just being my weird self, I had so much more fun dating.  I chose not to sweat the details. I would order that burger instead of the salad, make those silly quirky jokes, and send a double text if I felt like it. As my brother said, if he liked me, he did (and if he didn’t, he wouldn’t). 

As a single gal, I have FINALLY realized, “if it’s not a yes, it’s a no,” the pressure was off. No more mixed messages, no more interpreting phone calls, texts, emails. If it’s a “maybe,” “I’m not sure,” “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” or any other variation, it’s a no. 

This simple tip has freed me from overthinking and second-guessing every tiny detail.

What do you think? What wise dating advice have you heard? And what’s your relationship status these days? Is anyone dating right now?

P.S.

Overanalyzing kills magic. Savour the present.

xx

Yachna 

Featured Image: Pierrot Le Fou (1965)