Falling in love is intoxicating. 

It’s tempting to circle your whole life around the new sparkly, shiny, lovely man you’ve just met, especially in a new relationship. 

Trust me. I get it. 

It’s been a long time since you really liked someone, and you’re excited. You both are into each other. And it feels good after months or years of boring, meaningless dates that never evolved into anything.

You’re finally in love; all you want to do is be in love.

 Everything else sounds boring and lame compared to the happiness you’ve found in your lover’s arms.

This starry-eyed feeling you have right now is fleeting. And the more you try to hold onto it, the less happy you’ll be. 

Yes, you’re the happiest when cuddling with your baby, all cozy watching Netflix. You think it makes you the happiest, but it shouldn’t be that way. 

Yes, it’s a priority!!! But it can’t be the biggest one. 

It’s not your fault. 

We all grew up watching movies that showed us in a romantic relationship; two people spent all their waking moments doing everything together. Hello, Claustrophobia!!

The two of you might be ridiculously compatible and annoyingly cute, but alone time is still a realistic expectation.

Here are SIX tips for being independent in a romantic relationship- 

1) Keep your individuality 

It’s so easy to be wrapped up in him and “us” that you lose your uniqueness. The two of you do everything together. Slowly, you abandon old habits and hobbies. Your friends never see you anymore. If he’s interested in soccer, suddenly it’s your favourite pastime too. Seriously, why??? Cut that crap out! You are awesome, just the way you are. 

2) Be fiercely independent

Express your opinions. Share your thoughts. Speak your mind. Set your boundaries. Be assertive. Understand and accept each other’s point of view without imposing. Give your partner the freedom to be who they are, and do not settle for anything less. All of these will help your partner to understand you better. 

Remember: You don’t have to be on the same page on everything to make each other feel like one. On the contrary, freedom in a relationship helps love last.

3) Solo Dates

Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to give up the things you once loved doing—even if you feel tempted, especially at the beginning when things are new and exciting. Take yourself on dates. 

Sign up for that pottery class. Take up photography. Enroll in a cooking class. Take a solo trip to your dream place. Or, have a cozy night in watching Netflix. 

 The point is to keep investing in yourself and trying to know yourself. Keep some hobbies you do alone or with people other than your partner. Plan some time every week when you do things separately. 

4) Keep following your dreams and desires

Please do this right now. 

Make a list of your dreams and ambitions. Write down your goals and place them into categories such as Education, Health & Fitness, Creativity, Travel and Finance. Then, take action toward it and check those things off your bucket list. 

 The best kind of relationship is two people supporting each other while they do their own things. It’s about developing and learning alongside your partner and not making him the only priority in your life.

5) See your friends often

Don’t be that friend who disappears whenever she gets a new boyfriend. Your relationship is important, but don’t let weekly hangouts with your friends be annual. If you make your partner the sun, the moon, and the stars, that’s a lot of pressure on just one person. It’s great to feel wanted, not desperately clutched. That behaviour isn’t about love; it’s about insecurity. 

6) Talk to each other

Finally, communication is key. Be open and brutally honest with your partner about how you feel and what you need to maintain your sense of self in the relationship. By following these tips, you’ll be able to you can stand by his side, tall and proud, instead of strangling him with expectations.

 

Do you do everything with your partner? Or do you, sometimes, need a bit of time to yourself? Would you add anything to this list? Comment below