A few months ago, I met a friend I hadn’t seen in years for coffee. As we were catching up on the lost time, mid-conversation, she held my hand, tears flowing down from her eyes, saying, “I miss you so much. You stop making friends after some point in life.” 

Her words moved me deeply because, at that time, I had lost friends that were so special and precious to me. I was grieving the loss of dead friendships and naturally realized that the older we get, the more we need our friends—and the harder it is to keep them. And that our social circles grow smaller. And then one day, we suddenly find ourselves in the company of just a few familiar faces. 

Now that I’m officially leaving my 20s, I feel older and wiser – at least wise enough to write this post. Over the years, I’ve outgrown many friendships I couldn’t imagine my life without. Now, they aren’t even part of my life. Those same friends I’ve known for years don’t know me anymore (and I don’t know them either). There were no fights. No drama. No hard feelings. We just grew apart. We all got busy in our lives. Our different life transitions, lifestyles and interests took us on different paths, and we couldn’t relate to each other anymore. 

Some friendships just die. That’s the truth of it. Don’t try to fight it. Don’t let it make you angry. Don’t blame yourself or the other person or circumstance or anything else. Accept it for what it is.

Through it all, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that change is the only constant thing in life. And sometimes, separation is just a necessary part of growth for everyone involved. 

I am still fond of those friends and the time we spent together, but I can’t go back to that as we are different people now. Truthfully, it wasn’t that we stopped caring about each other. We can’t relate to each other and the version of self that was friends with them.

And you know what the strangest part is? It’s so much more peaceful to have a few friends. Past few years, as I intentionally started to withdraw from people, the more I learned about myself. And the more I learn about myself, the more people I lose. 

And again, this doesn’t mean that your early twenties friendships were meaningless, vain, or shallow. I am grateful to have experienced such beautiful and deep friendships, but I also experienced a lot of pain and loss in these friendships.

It’s not easy. I was thinking to myself while writing about this: What about all the good times and memories and love I’ve shared with these people? Doesn’t that matter?

Of course, it matters. 

 At the same time, you need to let go with grace. People grow and change, and you grow apart more often than not. Don’t let the bitterness of broken friendships poison your soul. Wish them love, wish them well, and know that all the love you gave them was real and is for their keep for life. 

Finally, leaving you with these wise words from my favourite rapper Tupac, “Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn’t mean you gained me as an enemy. I’m bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table.”

xo

Yachna

Have you ever lost a precious and dead friend? What did it feel like? Share below <3

P.S.

10  signs you that its time to breakup with a friend