I have always been a die-hard romantic. Growing up, I devoured romantic movies like candy. I remember crying ugly, messy tears while watching A Walk to Remember and The Notebook. Those passionate confessions of love under pouring rain were everything to me. And Romeo and Juliet? Their love story was the epitome of romance for my teenage self.
As I started having crushes, I craved that all-consuming, fairytale love I saw in movies. But as I grew older and experienced my first heartbreak, the fantasy shattered.
Suddenly, Romeo and Juliet wasn’t a romance—it was a tragedy about infatuated teenagers making terrible decisions. And don’t even get me started on romcoms. They’ve done more damage than good. One of the biggest lies they tell us is, “If he’s mean to you, it’s because he likes you.” That is the most toxic thing we can teach anyone. It sets girls up to tolerate poor treatment and tells boys it’s okay to be mean to girls.
It’s no surprise that some of us end up in deeply unfulfilling relationships when we’re told that suffering is part of the deal. Somehow, we’ve accepted the belief that love must be intensely passionate, dramatic, and painful to be real. We’re constantly fed the fantasy that real love can magically fix everything. But in reality, relationships built on heightened emotions rarely stand the test of time.
This weekend, as I sat in my room reflecting in my journal, I reread my thoughts: Why do we keep going back to people and relationships that bring us pain? Why do some of us keep ending up in unfulfilling relationships? Why do we hope against hope, even when it’s clear things aren’t going to change? Because we think love should be hard? We’ve been taught that suffering is a part of love. And that belief? It’s poison.
We put all this effort into fixing things—sending another long text explaining our feelings, putting up with excuses, compromising time and time again—only to find ourselves back in the same place, asking for the same things a year later.
Why don’t we cut our losses sooner? Why do we torture ourselves by staying in unfulfilling relationships? Why do we hope things will change when all the signs say otherwise? Why do we think one more apology will magically fix things? Why do we stay for the potential we see in someone rather than the reality they show us? How many times have you waited for that commitment that never came? It’s time to stop torturing yourself in the name of love.
I recently watched Love You Zindagi, and Shah Rukh Khan’s character, Dr. Jehangir Khan, said something that hit me hard:
“Sometimes we choose a difficult path only because we feel that to attain important things, we need to choose a difficult path. We think that it’s important to punish ourselves, but why can’t we choose a simple path? What’s wrong with that? Especially when we are not ready to face that difficult path.”
This quote literally switched something within me. It’s so simple and yet so profound. We’ve been taught to glorify struggle as if it’s a badge of honour. Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or anything worth having in life, we think we need to suffer to prove our worth.
I’ve stayed in relationships long past their expiration date. Looking back, I realized how much time I wasted trying to fix relationships that I knew weren’t right for me. If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: you don’t have to settle for a love that hurts. Walk away when it’s not working—because the right love will never ask you to sacrifice your peace.
No matter how rosy the beginning of the relationship was, it’s time to leave if it doesn’t fulfill you anymore. Most people don’t deserve a second chance, and some don’t even deserve the first.
Love is not about intense burning desire or dramatic highs and lows. Neither should it send you to therapy. It’s about the everyday moments of calm and kindness. It’s about choosing to be with someone and finding comfort in consistency and predictability. But when we find someone like that, we freak out. We think it’s too easy and simple.
So what do we do? We run back to the familiar pain of unfulfilling relationships because that’s all we’ve ever known. But why are we running away from something just because it’s not filled with drama and suffering?
The only rule to live by when it comes to relationships is: are they kind to you? If they show promise but never deliver, it’s time to walk away. If they offer empty promises and apologies but never change, walk away. You don’t owe anyone suffering. Neither do you deserve it.
Lastly, I am ending this post with something a dear friend once told me: “Love is supposed to strengthen you and build you, not break you into pieces.”
xo
Yachna