When I was 22, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years of dating. One summer afternoon after our lunch date, he abruptly ended the relationship. No fights. No arguments. “We can’t be together anymore.” It was as simple and as complicated as that. 

My heart was shattered. I had convinced myself that I would never be happy again. How could I ever love someone else again? His sense of humour, his love and affection for me, the way he’d do silly things to make me laugh. 

That day I learnt that the easiest thing that can change in the world is a person’s heart. 

First, there’s a denial period. Then, those jolting 2 am reminders leave a lingering pain. Those long sleepless nights where you are struggling with the what-ifs. 

“You are better off without him” your friends comfort you, but you don’t feel better off. You stalk his social media ten times a day because self-destruction is now your middle name. 

Heartbreak hurts, even when it’s the best thing, even when we know it’s right, and even when we aren’t sure.

Since wallowing and eating nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza is only fun for an hour. Here are eight things I have learnt, including thoughtful words from people wiser than me. I hope they bring you comfort too-

1) Listen to the beat of your heart

Your friends know you the best. Lean on them. Some friends might suggest you swear off dating altogether, while the others might set you up with a rebound situationship. Only you know what feels right for you. Follow your heart and your intuition because they guide you towards the light. 

 

2) It’s okay to not be okay

Nothing compares to the sadness and emptiness you feel when going through a broken heart. Nobody knows how many pieces you have to put back together or how many nights you spend wondering what went wrong. 

Not only are you mourning the loss of love and partner but also the life that you had planned together. These feelings don’t disappear overnight. In the words of Lao Tzu, “nature does not hurry yet everything is accomplished.” So, let the pain consume you…and then heal you. 

3) Nurture your body

Your body is a temple. Worship it. You feel the grief of the heartbreak in your body. It was an incredible way of getting over the breakup. Working out releases the same chemicals you do when you are in love.

4) Connect with something bigger

Go out for a long walk in nature. Release your emotions in your journal, practise daily meditation, read a book, join a yoga group or take up gardening. Connect with something bigger than yourself…and suddenly everything seems small. The goal is to take up anything that makes you feel rejuvenated and grounded. Doing this creates space for new, fresh, beautiful things again.

5) Give yourself a break 

 The painful memories of anger, resentment, guilt, and shame will hit you like a whirlwind. Forgive yourself and your partner for all the things that went wrong. You learned a lot from each other. Value your time together and let it go. Even though it’s over, it hadn’t been a waste. Every day is a gift, so make a decision … to no longer fill moments of your life with unproductive emotions that drain your energy. 

6) Take yourself out on dates

Convince yourself to spend alone time with yourself. Go for a solo road trip with no destination. Explore a new city. There’s something arriving in a stranger city wandering empty streets with no destination.  Do whatever it is that sparks your soul. And, do it by yourself. This time that you spend recreating yourself will be the most challenging and most rewarding time of your life. 

7) Remember: you are not alone

Countless people are going through the pain of heartbreaks. A few of my friends who were familiar with the woes of a breakup shared their worst breakup stories with me. And then, I discovered an interesting love column called Modern Love, where there’s an essay on all kinds of heartbreak situations. I felt less lonely in my heartbreak, knowing that countless people have gone through devastating breakups, nasty divorces, and betrayals.

8) You’ll be happy again.

When you’re heartbroken, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling differently. But, one day, the sun will shine again, warming up your heart. And, you will realize that you are much stronger and more beautiful as a result of this breakup.

Sharing this beautiful quote by Nayyirah Waheed – 

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”

 

What advice would you add? Have you gone through a breakup recently? Are you going through one right now? If so, I’m sorry you are going through this. Sending you the biggest hugs!!! It’s the worst!! I promise you’ll get through this. 

xo

(Pic Credits from top to bottom: Meghan Diniz, 90scigarettes, & livingwildmoments. )