Have you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around someone? Like you just can’t seem to do anything right in their eyes no matter how hard you try?
That’s exactly how I felt the other day when I went to visit my aunt.
I couldn’t shake off the weird and uncomfortable vibes I got from her. As I walked out of her house, I felt terrible about myself because the silent treatment was so loud. I couldn’t figure out what I had done to offend her, so I discussed it with my cousin later. And what she told me blew my mind!
My aunty thinks I’m a terrible influence on her daughters because I’m 30 and unmarried.
Can you believe it?
It’s unbelievable how people still try to burden us with their outdated expectations and beliefs.
We’ve all heard the age-old advice that we should “just be ourselves” and “stop caring what others think about us.” However, let’s be real—it’s not that simple.
Even though we know better, it’s difficult to ignore our desire to be seen, valued, and appreciated by those around us. It’s a natural human desire to be accepted and respected, and we all struggle with it at some point in our lives.
I don’t feel like the most qualified person to talk about this, but I don’t know what it would take to be the most qualified. Self-esteem is a tricky thing, especially for us women. No matter what we do, we’re always told we need to be “more” of something. It can be exhausting trying to fit into society’s unrealistic standards and expectations of us.
1. Self-awareness
The truth is, the more insecure and uncomfortable we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to be influenced by others’ opinions. On the other hand, when we’re confident and self-aware, we’re less likely to let outside voices dictate our choices and actions. So, it’s essential to focus on building that inner strength and security and not get too caught up in seeking validation from others.
2. Alone Time
Do you ever feel like your voice gets lost in the noise of the world around you? It’s totally normal! But you know what’s not normal? Neglecting your alone time.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself: what are your values? What do you really want? What can’t you stand?
By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you develop a strong bond with yourself and become comfortable in your own skin. This way, you’ll stop caring about what people think of you and be more confident in your actions.
3. Keep focusing on what you want
Are you truly living the life you want, or are you following someone else’s script for your life? Everyone has unique interests, passions, and hobbies that they love. But when we spend all our energy trying to meet others’ expectations, we neglect our own desires. So, pour your energy into doing the things that truly make you happy and fulfilled!
4. Show gratitude
There was this one time when I let other people’s expectations of me not being married by 30 get to me. I spoke to my best friend about it, hoping to find some solace. Boy, did he give me some perspective!
He reminded me of all the amazing adventures I’ve had, the things I’ve accomplished, and the personal challenges I’ve overcome. He said that if I had gotten married just for the sake of it, I would have missed out on so much. I would have been living a life that I didn’t necessarily want, just to please others.
After the conversation, I took a moment to reflect on all the beautiful experiences I’ve had and the personal challenges I’ve overcome to get to where I am today. I had forgotten to be grateful for all I had done. So, I decided to be my own cheerleader, look inward to find validation and take pride in who I am.
5. Don’t try to make everyone happy
No person in the history of humanity has been liked by everyone. And no matter what you do or say, it won’t make you an expectation either. So, don’t try to make everyone happy; you won’t. Fulfilling others’ expectations or opinions of you is not your responsibility. Besides: everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves. So, just like Billie Eilish says, “Your opinion of me is not my responsibility.”
6. Keep death close
Our time on this earth is limited, and it’s up to us to make the most of it. Unfortunately, many of us get caught up in worrying about what others think of us, and we end up living a life that’s not truly our own.
But here’s the thing: if you knew that your time was running out, what would you do differently? Would you continue to worry about other people’s opinions, or would you finally start living the life you’ve always wanted?
Remember, people will mourn for a day or two and then move on with their lives. So why not take a step towards the life YOU want to live? Life is too short to do anything else.
It will always be harder to become someone who doesn’t care what people think, but that’s why you’re a fierce warrior for even trying. And isn’t that kind of exciting? Conquer the world!!
xo,
Yachna